Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #10

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I don’t really know why I feel the need to back my tweets up here. Would Twitter ever just eat all my tweets one day? It’s probably more likely that my website would die.

And I never have anything important to say there, anyway.

I’m awful serious about the sammiches.

Carmen Miranda-ing would be way more fun to do to your enemies than glitter bombing.

It should really only be used on the armpits of teenage boys.

The Net has it forever and ever and ever.

This is one of the reasons that I don’t wear socks, unless it’s really, really cold.

We need to break the cycle and achieve cinematic nirvana!

Really. Think about it.

Well, that’s all for today.

Go do something useful.

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #9

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Yay! Stupid Twitter now doesn’t show all tweets when you d an advance search. Gee, I really love it when algorithms decide what I want to see for me.

Bleh. Back to the “scroll down for forever” method of finding old tweets, then.

See, this joke works on two levels: mana is your magical energy in a video game and it’s also the name of the special food that God gave the Israelites to sustain them on their journey.

It’s the only place he hasn’t escaped from yet.

Things need to stop invading my orifices.

Remember when twerking was a thing?

Nautical jokes. You inlanders just wouldn’t understand…

Ha! Take that, you stupid jocks!

The Devil worships me.

Mark Twain is now rolling in his grave.

I’m always trying to collapse the universe.

In care you youngins don’t know, this is referring to The Three Stooges.

Well, that’s does it for today. Follow my Twitter, or don’t. Whatever.

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #8

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It’s some old tweets with a new attitude.

Actually, maybe don’t wear numbers on your face at all, jackass.

They should also comb their hair and stop sitting forlornly on the stairs with their hand on their forehead.

I always told little kids that there were the skeletons of children who got trapped in the ball pit at the bottom of the pit.

Seriously, my dream house is one that I can just take a high-pressure steam cleaner to when I want to clean it.

It would certainly make the House of Commons much more fun to watch.

I shouldn’t try to be philosophical.

It’s The Lord of the Rings joke.

I shouldn’t try to make jokes about The Talking Heads when I’m hungry.

Don’t eat Twizzlers. They’re full of crap.

Well, anybody with a fauxhawk, really. It’s just unprofessional not to shave the sides.

That was fun. I don’t remember writing any of these.

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #7

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Hey! Who wants to read some of my favourite tweets from the ancient days of yore? Nobody? Well, too bad!

It’s artificial pumpkinesque flavouring and cinnamon.

Yeah… So this one time, I bummed out Eric Idle over Twitter and then I felt really, really bad about it.

Try surviving with only off-brand tampons and hot lemon drink. See how long you live.

Yeah, hipsters, how do you respond to that?

William Shatner better never die…

Seriously, American snacky cakes are the worst. How can they even eat that crap. Give me a Jos. Louis any day, though.

Get me a Jewels in the Attic game with all the cards and in good condition, and I will be your friend for life.

I still don’t know who Johnny Mathis is.

If you sit on my lap today…

Think about it: the Home Alone series and the Saw series have a lot in common. The kid from Home Alone was obviously a sociopath, in any case.

Thanks for wasting time with me. Follow my Twitter for more stupidity, or don’t. Whatever.

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday – Paint Your Wagon

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I watched Paint Your Wagon. It was a long, arduous process, that I would have never gotten through, if I hadn’t been playing around with my phone during it.

In case you don’t know, Paint Your Wagon is a musical about cowboys, starring Lee Marvin, Clint Eastwood and Jean Seberg and it is awful.

I always thought this was just a joke, because it just seems like a really, really bad idea for a film.

Don’t play this drinking game. You will die.

Clint Eastwood acts all gentle and cute in this film. It’s really disconcerting.

Seriously, it’s too cute.

Nothing like a bunch of grizzled, gruff cowboys tenderly slow-dancing together.

Someone has actually told me that I look like a mountain man in real life.

This was really, really icky.

And the, 5 months later…

…I decided to continue with this awful movie for some reason.

This was really, really icky  as well.

Though, I suppose in frontier times, a cabin was a pretty big deal.

Just ickiness all around.

First, you get the women, then you get the money, then you get the power.

Clint Eastwood’s singing hurts my brains.

Anything goes in the wild Old West.

I believe this is the first time I’ve ever seen an intermission on a DVD. I went and got a snack.

It was the style of the time.

I think this was probably a joke, or it was a magic beaded curtain.

There was a thing about a bear fighting a bull. Maybe something about bear markets and bull markets?

Symbolism! It’s amazing!

Seriously, I watched all 900 hours of this waiting for the part where they paint the wagon and it never happened.

Well, that was pretty disappointing.

I *TECHNICALLY* Completed NaBloPoMo 2014

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Well, another NaBloPoMo has come and gone. I managed to do a post every day this month, so I win NaBloPoMo this year, or something. Sure, most of what I posted was complete and utter nonsense, but, whatever, there’s no reason you have to read it, so bleh.

Here are all my NaBloPoMo posts from this year:

  1. NaBloPoMo 2014
  2. Conversations With My Dog
  3. This Energy Drink is Doing Nothing for Me
  4. “Eric Conveys an Emotion” is Going to Update! Just You Wait and See!
  5. 20 Litres and a Pound of Butter up a Hill
  6. The One Rule is to Write
  7. Things That You Can Place in a Small Box
  8. This Christmas, Get Me What I Really Want
  9. Half of My Head is Full of Goo
  10. My Ear is Still Being Weird
  11. Things That You Can Put in a Soup
  12. I Ate Half a Cake
  13. Winter Hope
  14. THOSE ARE MY SHOES GIVE THEM BACK YOU ARE A DOG THEY DONT EVEN FIT
  15. We’re Doing Good
  16. Winter Solstice Foods That I Hate
  17. People Keep Dropping Off Sprockets at My House
  18. The Donair Egg Rolls Weren’t Very Good
  19. Things That Should Exist
  20. Cooking Fails
  21. I Made a Really Tasty Chicken Today
  22. Things They Should Make Movies About
  23. Gnomes I Have Met
  24. Why I Don’t Wanna Write
  25. Real Donairs are Better than Frozen Ones
  26. Things You Don’t See on Fire Much
  27. May You All Fight Valiantly on Black Friday
  28. Fun Things to Do On a Sunny Day
  29. The World Famous Eric J.
  30. The Squirrels are About to Overthrow their Oppressors

Did I learn anything this year? No. I have learned absolutely nothing. I think that I may have even forgotten some things that I used to know.