Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #30


They were very old and unsexy people. Come to think of it… One of them may have just needed special pillows for a back problem.

And now he’s dead.

Was his last movie Independence Day 2? That’s sad.

I only care if they find life if that life happens to also be tasty.

Can you get Botox injections inside your nose?

You might think that I eat an awful lot of Halloween candy for an adult. And you’d be right.

I’ve had a certain tab open for about two years now. I can’t close it because of nostalgia.

And about a quarter of those are Wincest images.

Did you know that many teas are actually supposed to be steeped at less than 100 degrees? Also never wash your teapot.

Kids are all super fat these days, so I guess it’s not that bad that the Halloween candy is getting smaller.



Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #29


Speakers’ Corner was the best, but I guess we have YouTube now and don’t need it anymore.

Remember the Devil’s Advocates? Whatever happened to those guys? Remember when one of them ran for mayor?

The Rogers Centre is always going to be the SkyDome to me.

It’s all a part of God’s plan, Laurel. His design is PERFECT!

I would watch a show that was just entirely an hour of manbutt every week. I would be enthralled.

I have Resting Bitch Face™, because I don’t smile maniacally like an idiot constantly.

I theoretically enjoy makeup, but in practice, I only manage to make myself look like an asshole clown.

I hate Star Wars, but I love weird lipsticks.

Rockets are called Smarties in the US and Smarties don’t exist in the US at all. The Canadian version of a candy is always the superior one.


Honestly, the Devil seems like a pretty okay dude. Ever read the Bible? The Devil always gives people a choice whether to the listen to him, without any threat of consequence. It’s God who threatens people. Pillar of salt and whatnot.

I always embarrass myself at dinner. Invite me somewhere really fancy, if you want to see me spill things on my boobs.

For serious, lingerie industry, get your shit together. Sizing isn’t even consistent within a single brand.



*Laurel slinks away, unoticed*

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #28


Yes, we get it, GRRM. The Middle Ages sucked and everyone died.

I don’t even know why I watch Game of Thrones anymore. It’s stupid and sleazy and I hate it… Buuuuut, I ‘ve invested so much time into it already, I guess I have to see it through to the end.

Has anyone ever gone into anaphylactic shock from a blackfly bite? I get a swollen bump about the size of a small apple every time a blackfly bites me. It would really suck if a teeny tiny bug caused me to die.

It was in the middle of the day, too. Why can’t drunk, gross guys ever tell when they’re standing too close to people?

One time, I found a spider egg sac in one of my bras. I like spiders. Why do they keep trying to feast upon me?

Does it actually count as a three meat pizza when all the meats are technically pork?

Well, you see, what happened was that England defeated France in the Eugenics Wars. That’s why Picard speaks with an English accent.

I still don’t have one of those stupid cookie warnings on any of my websites. If a person doesn’t know that pretty much every website uses cookies, then they deserve whatever bad thing happens to them… which will be nothing.

Schooling can teach you how to be smart, but it can’t teach you how to be a smartass.

Yeah, Drunk Laurel, yer REEAALLL special and junk.

I’ve grown as a person since this and no longer enjoy artificially flavoured liquors. I’m thinking of becoming one of those assholes with five different bottles of bitters. I’m thinking of saying “mouth feel” a lot.


I’m going to commit certain deeds now. See you later.