Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #18

MOAR TWEETS

Yeah, Science, get on it already.

Now, he’s my least favourite sun god.

Truly, it was the holiest of days.

I don’t mess with anything that can pounce on me from above.

Urgh. I was just imagining what that would smell like.

Where am I supposed to put my crayon drawings?

I have such nostalgia for commercial breaks.

I want to go back in time and be the guy who leaves caches of enchanted weapons in random places.

You should see how much my face swells up when I mow the lawn.

I will sit there with my indecisiveness until the time reads “999”.

 

BYE!

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #17

Re-reading my tweets because I can never remember things that I have said before. I am always repeating myself.

So, it’s like Boggle, only different?

Seriously, that’s the grand prize, a stupid teapot.

I really, really hate tessellated website layouts and I talk about it a lot.

Preferably my little brother.

I did it. I ate my knee. I can’t walk now.

I wonder if Leonardo DiCaprio would be more like to win a Puppy Academy Award.

This is truly a frightening and unjust universe.

Yes, seriously, people in the US were arrested and went to jail for being accused of satanic worship in the 1980s. Most of the convictions were overturned, but there’s at least one person still in jail, I believe.

I want to dress like an old, lazy mafia guy.

Wow. This is like philosophical, or something.

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #16

Postin’ muh twitz hur, because I donnae like Twitter’s infinite scroll.

Really, you can’t leave me alone at all.

I need to get me some vacuum-sealed containers.

This is funnier without context.

And do an percent sign or a dollar sign?

This was a really bizarre event. It was during the Polar Vortex and some little brat shouted something at me, which I didn’t hear because I was bundled-up in 17 layers. The next thing I know, his mom is insanely angry at me because I wouldn’t stop and watch what her little rugrat was doing. And to top it all off, the stupid kid was playing right in the middle of the street. There weren’t any cars because of all the snow, but it was kinda likely that a plow might round the corner and smush the kid.

Everything goes in the washer and dryer. EVERYTHING.

I am not a morning person. Invent for me more lazy morning foods.

FOOTBALL!

I am a giant child.

Remember that time Wiarton Willie died and they replaced him with an imposter. Canadian conspiracies are silly.

 

 

THAZ ALL!

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #15

Backing up my tweets because of my paranoia about losing things forever.

It’s really very heartbreaking to watch him search all over the house for beef for hours.

Americans, always shoving things up other things’ arses.

I have no idea what I meant by this.

Something. Something. The Epiphany.

And don’t tell me to get a chicken, because turkey tastes way better than chicken.

I was buying groceries for the whole week, not just Christmas, so I don’t count here.

Ask me about my views on religion.

Greatest actor ever. I will fight you.

I’m basically a giant, lazy cat.

Stop trying to convince me that Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston are super sexy. They look like they need to be spoonfed some soup.

 

All for now. Perhaps, all for ever.

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #14

I like backing up my tweets here, because my website is way less annoying that Twitter. Infinite scroll my ass.

I’m still pissed off about this. Tweetdeck was my favourite Twitter app. It was lightweight, fast and it didn’t have any stupid nonsense like sponsored posts. The only app I get madder about is the death of Google Reader.

Seriously, it can’t be sanitary to be wiping something imbued with rotten meat chunks all over a cup.

Then again, I can’t understand many southern American accents.

Does everyone’s mom count as a monster?

Just stop putting rotten fruit in everything. It just makes things horrible.

Comic Serif does exist. I have gazed upon its hideousness.

Enjoy your forever sleep, kiddoes.

Can somebody for the 80s please explain this to me? Trapper Keepers just seem to over-complicate everything.

I picked the spoon up and the bowl came with it.

If you know what this is a reference to, you win one entire internet.

 

Done for now.