The World Famous Eric J.

Eric J. is a million feet tall. He put the stars in the sky.

Eric J. controls the weather.

Eric J. can never find his glasses, but he can will some new ones into existence.

Eric J. has finish every crossword puzzle conceivable.

Eric J. is kind to animals, even abominations created in a mad scientist’s lab.

Eric J. invented a new flavour.

Eric J. is the new sound.

Eric J. can fly under his own power.

Eric J. can see all possible futures.

Eric J. caught a foul ball at the Yankees game.

Eric J. can breathe the bubbles in pop.

Eric J. has never lost a sock.

Eric J. fought God and won.

Eric J. met Cher and ate her.

Eric J. had a thousand wives who were all cats.

Eric J. went to the moon twice.

Eric J. has his own island.

Eric J. can live on bread alone.

Eric J. has five arms.

Eric J. is a self-made mad, literally.

Eric J. can survive in a vacuum.

Eric J. has the highest power level.

Eric J. plays three guitars at once.

Eric J.’s uncle works for Nintendo.

Eric J. laid down his sword.

Eric J. is a Borg.

Eric J. has an infinite capacity for love.

Eric J. sunk the Titanic.

Eric J. prevented World War 3.

Eric J. is the best at every video game.

Eric J. can even.

Eric J. can swallow time.

Eric J. has the shiniest shoes.

Eric J. saved Christmas.

Eric J. fed the hungry, with his own milk.

Eric J. has seen the entire internet.

Eric J. can desalinate water with his magic tears.

Eric J. is a unicorn.

Eric J. is the girl next door.

Eric J. has ten opposable digits.

Eric J. can do anything, except spell his name with a “k”.

We’re Doing Good

We’re doing good.

We’re exercising and getting into shape.

We’re taking time out of our busy day to spend some quality time with you.

We’re learning to cook different foods.

We’re taking up new and interesting hobbies.

We’re reading books and learning a new thing every day.

We’re volunteering in our communities and making the world a better place.

We’re planting trees and improving the environment.

We’re travelling and experiencing different cultures.

We’re adding to our savings accounts and planning for the future.

We’re bettering ourselves.

We’re doing good.

Twitter Timewarp Tuesday #1

I was going through my Twitter archive, which meant scrolling down for, like, half an hour, because Twitter timelines can only be viewed in infinite scroll mode and not proper paginated archives like any non-crazy person would like. (I’m thinking of writing an article about how much I hate infinite scroll, one day.)

So, anyway, if I went through all that trouble scrolling, you’re going to have to relive some of my favourite old tweets with me.

This is my first ever tweet! I like Swedish Chef!

I think I was listening to The John Tesh Radio Show, and he did a a public service announcement about the dangers of huffing. If you’re a kid and you’re listening to The John Tesh Radio Show, I think that huffing freon is the least of your worries.

Sometimes, I wonder if Alexander Dumas even knew what a “musketeer” really was. Seriously, why were the three musketeers always using swords? It’s their job to use guns!

Yeah, that’s right, I say “pop” instead of “soda”.

They used to kill-off characters way more often in shows when I was a kid. I’d like to see them kill-off someone in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, or SheZow, or whatever all these weirdo kids are watching these days. What in the world is a “Bakugan” anyway? I hate you.

Seriously, The Sims, no virtual baby of mine should drink formula.

In The Sims Medieval, breastfeeding was the only option, BUT they blurred it out like it was offensive or something, bleh. I think they should have included the option for the noble sims to use a wet nurse.

Is it a rule that, when you work your way up to captain, that you’ve earned the right to look cooler than everyone else?

This is probably me getting angry at some saying that synthetic things are full of “toxins”. Eat some nightshade why don’t you and then extoll the virtues of how free of “toxins” the natural world is.

Yeah, do hand models ever get plastic surgery to make their hands look younger? At what age do hand models usually get pushed out of the business?

It was standard procedure in our house, that when you bought a new game on floppy disk, that you made back-ups of it. An errant magnetic field could wipe-out your originals, after all.

Well, that’s all for this week’s Twitter Timewarp Tuesday. Join me next week, where we’ll relive more inane things that I’ve posted that nobody cares about.