- Shorty Dewbubble King of the Eastern Field Mice
- Grathport Shamberdert Champion of the Acorn Knights
- Ariana Finepebble Princess Elect of the Amphibious Pipsqueaks
- Nathan of the Fairpetals
- Chodesworth Cobblespurt the Butt-Gnome
- Ivy Wallcrawler the Wall-Gnome
- Seline the Crawlspace Dweller
- Peter Dinklage
- Thumbhigh Johnson
- George the Pea
- Lily the Orifice Spelunker
- Teeny Tina
- Jane Caterpillar Rider
- Beans McMinuscule
- Mighty Mite
- Pinky Who Lives in My Teapot
- Jenny the Slight
- Pocket Weasel
- Smallie Bigs
- Brian Pepper’s Life Story
- The Jos. Louis Story
- Journey to the Centre of the Tootsie Roll Pop
- Macho Man Randy Savage Saves Guy Fawkes Day
- A Movie About the Ferengi from Star Trek
- A Movie About Barclay from Star Trek
- A Movie About Barkley from Sesame Street
- Sam Rockwell and Dax Shepard Team Up to Confuse Me
- That Damn Sequel to The Dark Crystal
- A Musical About Squirrel Girl
- Jeff Goldblum and Christopher Walken Drop Acid
- MC Hammer VS Army of Darkness
- Kittens that are Murderers
Oh, yeah, it was the best chicken what I ever did cook. I finally got the amount of the time in the slow cooker and under the broiler right.
And you can’t have any of it.
My chicken. MINE.
I ate most of it with carrots. You can’t have any of my carrots either.
I will probably eat the rest of the chicken tomorrow in a sandwich.
I like cooking chickens and I will continue coking chickens throughout most of my life. You will not be able to stop me.
I saw a chicken that could play tic-tac-toe at the fair once. I would even cook and eat a talented chicken such as that. I do not discriminate between chickens. All will see the inside of my belly.
What’s that thing where you only eat fish? An episcopalian? I’m like that, but with poultry. Oh, just looked it up and it’s a pollotarian. The internet is great. I could have gone my whole life without earning that, but I looked it up instantly on the internet. The future is now.
I wonder if you could teach that tic-tac-toe chicken to use the internet. It would probably spend all its time looking up pictures of cloacae.
Why did the chicken cross the information superhighway?
- Notebooks with the Margins Always on the Outside Edge of the Pages
- A Restaurant the Only Serves Potato Skins
- Lettuce that Tastes Like Bacon
- Edible Socks
- Candy Coffee Mugs
- Cube Shaped Taco Shells
- Contact Lenses that Dissolve After 18 Hours in Your Eyes
- Noise Cancelling Headphones that Only Block out the Noises of People Who You Don’t Like
- A Glass Chair that’s Also Like a Lava Lamp or Something
- Wearable Pizza
- Edible LEDs
- Hard Light
- Knuckle Wigs
- Ebook with Physically Turnable Pages
- Glasses that Turn Every Image of Donald Trump into One of those Guys from They Live
- Miniature Cows
- A Pill that Can Get The Girl from Ipanema out of My Head
- Gnome-Seeking Missiles
- Infinite Monkey Simulator
- Winking Marmosets
- Licorice Pot Roast
- Shrieking High Heels
What? Do they think this is a steampunk convention?
Do they think that I’m a mad scientist building evil robots or something? I’m actually an angry scientist.
Is this a prank by those kids who like the animes?
What good are sprockets without chains? I only have half of the equation here!
They could have at least washed off the grease, before they dropped them on my welcome mat. How am I to clean up this mess?
It’s times like these that I wish that I knew how to ride a bike. Bike need sprockets, right?
Can I use these to repair my RoboCop?
Maybe I’ll build a giant mech, that’ll show those fools.
How much is scrap metal going for these days? I’m asking for a friend of mine.
At least I’ll never go hungry again.
Would you like to touch my monkey?
- Cranberry Sauce
- Peppermint Hot Chocolate
- Cinnamon Added to Random Things
- Dessert Squares of Indeterminate Origin
- Gingerbread Houses (Really? I’m supposed to eat something that’s been sitting out and has had little kids poking at it?)
- Holiday Editions of Snacky Cakes Filled with Red and/or Green Dye
- Food Shaped Like Angels, Jesuses or Crosses (Stars are acceptable.)
- Boxes of Chocolate with Cheap Bows Attached That They Charge You Extra For
- Chinese Food That Doesn’t Come With Fortune Cookies
- Maraschino Cherries (Especially the green ones.)
- The General Overuse of Cloves
- Jell-O Salad with the Incorrect Fruit