I’m an adult, so I get to have Cadbury Creme Eggs for breakfast. #Foodie
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) April 7, 2015
They make Cadbury Eggs so small these days that it hardly even spoiled my diet.
I can’t wait for Triplet Peaks. Or the prequel: Only-Child Peak. #TwinPeaks
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) April 16, 2015
…I think that this is the worst joke that I have ever made.
How did the dog manage to pee *under* the couch? >:(
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) May 2, 2015
My dog is made out of magic… and poop.
FUCK YOU I’M A DRAGON #FYIAD
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) May 4, 2015
It doesn’t have to be an animal that actually exists for my soul to identify with it. Stop fursecuting me!
I’m obviously just 5 toddlers stacked on top of one another. #LaurelConfesses
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) May 9, 2015
We’re not even wearing a giant trench coat or anything. We’re just brazenly walking about, a tower of toddlers, and nobody seems to notice or care.
Someone please make the Hamdouchelar go away. #RobbleRobble
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) May 15, 2015
I don’t remember what this was about. Apparently, the Hamburglar was being a douche?
Remember when cars used to have that crappy front armrest seat? I hate my little brother because of that thing.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) May 20, 2015
Alright, Laurel, you sit in the middle on the way there and your little brother will take it on the way back.
Later: Your little brother is cranky, so can you take the middle so that he doesn’t throw a tantrum?
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
That feeling when you go through the arduous task of trimming the dog’s nails and one of those feets still be clacking on the tile.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) May 25, 2015
Why can’t he just wear down his claws on the couch like the cats?
Just saw an article saying Human Centipede is the worst date movie. I totally watched Human Centipede back-to-back with Teeth on a date…
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) May 30, 2015
It was my suggestion…
Now, imagine a mashup of Human Centipede with Teeth…
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) June 2, 2015
Really, why was the giant manchild wearing bondage gear? It’s hard to believe that that’s what he choose to wear himself.
There are 13 different kinds of lettuce in these field greens and they all taste the same.
— Laurel Green (@Laurel_Green) June 8, 2015
I’m pretty sure that one of the “greens” was actually just lawn grass.
BYE BYE GOOD FRIENDS!